Wednesday, February 3, 2016

If My Dog Could Talk...

I'm absolutely obsessed with my dog. He's the cutest. He's the best. And he's my kid (because why can't dogs be considered kids too?). I hate to admit it, but Murphy is pretty sassy. I think he gets it from me. I mean, my name IS "Sassy Sar." But I often wonder what he would say if he could speak. I imagine it would go something like this...

If_My_Dog_Could_Talk_

Mornings:

"MOM & DAD! It's time to wake up! Get me out of this crazy crate thing that you put me in every night! It's so crowded in here. Why do you guys feel the need to stick so much junk in here to make me 'cozy?' Will someone get up & feed me now?? I'm so sick of using my dog-voice (aka barking). I mean really, it's not good on the vocal cords. How will I ever be a professional singer? Basically you guys are hindering me from living out my dreams."

"Ugh, bout time, Dad. Really? Why did leave me in here to 'cry it out' for an hour? I don't care if it's 4:00 in the morning. Clearly I wanted out of this thing & you guys wouldn't get over your 'sleeping schedule' to come & let me out."

"Alright, Dad is letting me out of this crate thing & I'm heading to the back door. NEED TO GO PEE!"

*Goes outside*

"Wooh! That was a close one. Is it time to eat now? Um, Dad? Why are you getting back into bed? Don't you realize it's time for me to eat? I'm a starving pup over here!"

"FINALLY! His alarm went off. Time to eat, time to eat! Wait. Why isn't he feeding me yet, Mom? And why are you still sleeping? Why can't YOU feed me? Can't you see I'm eager?"

"Okay. Dad is finally done showering. It's about time! I'm ready to e-a-t! YESSSS. He's feeding me! 

*Scarfs down food*

"Alright, need to go outside again, Dad or else I'll go poop on the rug-- & you won't like that!"

*Goes outside*

"Okie dokie. Back to bed with Mom! Mom is the best. Oh yeah & thanks for the food, Dad. You're alright too!"

*Sleeps the rest of the morning*

Afternoons:

"Mom, you're soooo boring. You keep doing stuff around the house & it's no fun. I guess I'll just have to nap. And then when I get bored with that, I'll come chew on your shoe until you play with me. Sound ok?"

Evenings:

"DAD IS HOME! DAD IS HOME! DAAAAAAAD!"

*Super excited*

"Dad, Mom was super boring today! I'm so glad you're finally home to pay attention to only me! Wait, why are you hugging & kissing Mom? What did she do to deserve THAT? She's seriously paid like zero attention to me today & you're rewarding HER & not me? I don't understand. Why are you ignoring me now? I'm going to chew on your shoe until you pay attention to ME!"

"And by the way, now that Dad is home, doesn't that mean it's dinner time?! DINNER TIME! DINNER TIME! Woot woot! Feed me!"

*Scarfs down food*

"Someone better let me out or I'm going to explode!"

*Goes outside*

*Plays with toys*

*Sleeps the rest of the evening*

Bedtime:

*We break the news to Murphy that it's bedtime*

"Do you guys hate me or something? Why do I have to go to bed? Or better yet, can't I just sleep with you guys? I mean come on, y'all DO have a kingsize bed. You guys could let me sleep up there. I won't be a problem, I promise. I'll just casually take up most of the bed. It's really not that big of a deal."

*Put him in his crate*

"Okay, so.. you guys didn't like my idea did you? Oh just wait, you'll get annoyed with me crying eventually & then I'll get to sleep in your bed."

*Cries for 10 minutes*

"Ugh. I give up. I'm going to sleep."



9 comments:

  1. what a cute idea!!! you do a great "inner dog" impression

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  2. This is too funny! I always feel that our dog Dart thinks that my husband is way more exciting than I am because he's so excited when he comes home!

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  3. That is too cute! My partner and I add commentary for our dog all the time. We have a border collie so he has heaps of energy and heaps of personality. I'm sure he thinks we're both crazy

    Stephanie
    Adventures in Aussieland

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    Replies
    1. My husband and I do the same thing! haha I'm sure Murphy thinks we're crazy too.. Oh well! :)

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  4. That was cute and fun! Made me laugh. They are rascals aren't they?

    Bidy
    Http://dearlittlerme.com

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  5. That was cute and fun! Made me laugh. They are rascals aren't they?

    Bidy
    Http://dearlittlerme.com

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  6. Aww, this is so cute! I totally can hear a doggie voice saying all these things. We do this (verbally) for our cats and family dogs too XD

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